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dreamingofmom: My parents got divorced when I was younger and the court decided that it’s best if I stayed with my dad since my mom had an alcohol problem. That was years ago, though. My dad remarried and I never really liked that bitch, so I pay my
max-vicious-blog: I knew my dad and her did it. But only after I threatened to tell mom, my sister let me fuck her too. What I didn’t know was that my dad has a thing for nylon stockings too. So she’s used to it - fine!Now I’ll fuck the bitch holding
You: Was that my dad that just left? Your Girlfriend: Yeah, he was telling me about how much you guys have been fighting so I figured I would invite him over for a bit. You: Listen honey I don’t think you should do that anymore, he’s been
my dad decided that he is going to put this at the bottom of every serious letter wonder how long it will take his work to notice
themenilike2013: I was 14 when my dad first came to my attention. One night I woke up at around 2 am because of some noises in the next room. I stood up in my bed and try to understand what is going. Then I remembered that my dad supposed to come home
My Perfect Day
My mommy. I’d gladly damn her to hell if it meant she’d be Satan’s bride for all eternity. Taking that Prince of Darkness cock in the pussy, mouth, and ass while i watch, forever and ever. My dad sits in heaven waiting in vain for the
That’s one small step for man; one happy day for Pearlkind
morivan: naughtyvixens: happy 413 or whatever These are the kinds of crack pairings that make all the best… L E M O N S ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! christ almighty, griff
karatekuchen: fizzy-dog: fizzy-dog: i once was so angry that my dad didn’t buy me a soda that i told the police about it let me elaborate i was like 4 and it was summer, and i walked up to a policeman on the street and tugged on his uniform to catch
Me: Hey dad, what’s today? It’s Friday right..? Dad: Yeah, and then tomorrow is Thursday. Me: Wait what?! Tomorrow’s Saturday! Dad: Oh, hahahaha. I thought that after all that shopping you lost your mind.
heathicorn: apparently some guy named mark was trying to tell my mom he needed to speak with my dad about any financial transactions my mom was making because he was the man of the house and she did not take kindly to his implying that my dad was the
camigo2: I’m so glad that my dad isn’t one of those super hairy guys that look like they escaped from the gorilla cage. As it is I still make him shave his junk before I’ll fuck him. Dad says that it’s a small price to pay in order to fuck my
my haul thusfar not including a บ walmart giftcard, hearthfire skyrim addon and some candy+cookies my neighbor gave us that my dads torn into already. good ass cookies
jdlaclede: jdlaclede: every now and then tumblr reminds me that my dad asked for a furry pic for his 57th birthday might as well tell the story behind that so, my dad’s birthday is coming up, and since he doesn’t text, ever (he’s luddite that way),
carsonphillips: when my mom took care of babies my favorite story is about this toddler named eli who took a while to talk and everyone was concerned about it but one day my dad was like “eli, can you say ‘car’?” and he looks at my dad and goes
I haven’t been able to do some lineless art in a while so its good to know that i still have a lot of fun with it!Also this is my Chirstmas present for my dad and I wanted to post it here because I’m pretty happy with it
iizanimeaddict: My dad just came into my room and shouted at me in Klingon. Am I more embarrassed that he did that or that I know he said I was a disappointment to the empire?
christmasbarakat: my dad is a cop and i just called him and he was like “hey i have a 17 year old boy in the back of my cop car right now that i’m running him to the station” and i asked if he was cute and my dad said “Hey, my daughter wants
my dad basically says your early 20’s are when you’re too young for anyone to take you seriously and you’re too old for anyone to feel sorry for you and he is 100% right
glaxeon:my dad asked me why i had 2 rewind n take a picture lmao he doesn’t understand… Shoulda said, “Dad you ain’t never had dee’s nuts?”
hillsidebang: Mom told Dad she wanted a divorce. She found that my dad was looking at gay porn…but not just any gay porn….dad/son porn. After their fight, Mom told me to pack my stuff and that we are leaving. After hearing why she was leaving I couldn’t
my dad called me weedy today.
That Funny Blog
stumpkin: the only good story i have is i was once at the same wedding as daniel radcliffe and my dad said ‘you’re a wizard harry’ because my dad looks a lot like hagrid and daniel radcliffe told him to piss off
just-shower-thoughts: I think the biggest difference between atheists and religious people is that atheist would change their minds if god proved real, believers would not if god proved inexistent.
officialalltimelow: alexgaskarthdoingthings: So my dad is a preacher and he was telling us that Halloween is ‘the day of the devil’ and my sister goes “wow a whole day all for me?” And my dad is clinging to his bible now omg This is my favourite
ronansgansey: ronansgansey: my sister texted me telling me that my dad didn’t want to go see magic mike with her because of all the naked men dancing and as an argument he asked my openly gay sister if she would enjoy sitting through a 2 hour movie
The only nigga that will ever matter, my Dad 💙 #dad #romper #purplelivingroom
y'all….my dad texted me and my sister informing us that he got us into ALL the parties going on in vegas next week. it. about. to. go. down. MAGIC is gonna be the shit.
hetakesthemfromme: I had a girlfriend once, who had some big tits. Something told me that my dad would love to fuck her big jugs. Shit, i was right about that one, as i came home to see my dad fucking my girlfriend on my little sister bed.
fairyneko: 5:25pmAt this point, my dad is more famous on here than I am lol and I’m not even mad. He’s a cool dude— walked through the jungles of Guyana for months just to raise awareness about struggle and poverty, he donated his kidney to a coworker
My parents just told me about this time when I was three that I went in their room when they were out and found my dad’s porn magazines under the bed. They came home and I was sitting on the floor surrounded by fifty something magazines all open
my sleepy brain is the worst texter, once my friend texted me asking why me and my old boyfriend were breaking up and I texted back “don’t know .. roof stuff” or darfin will ask how my day was and I said “upstairs”
Today my dad and I went out for dessert and the waitress thought I was like 12 and before we could correct her she gave me a free sundae because it was kid’s day, sometimes it’s not so bad looking like a baby
more rants im sorry so since i can’t eat a regular diet i bought the things i would be eating before i had the surgery like potatoes and yogurts and ramen and things like that, of course now after a week its almost out and my dad did groceries twice
one thing that sucks though since i’m not in the hospital for my Sickle Cell, which is something that I can’t help (like when I get pain), and it’s for something new my dad hasn’t been very kind or supportive of me, every time
my dad has an unexplained anger towards phones and mobile devices
my dad loves lions so i showed him that article about the lionesses with the gene mutations that made them grow manes and he called them freaksWELP :’)
antropomorfisme: Why can’t dads sneeze normally
yellow-moonshadow21: thegirlwiththeneonhair: riley-coyote: officialprostitute: why do dads sneeze so loud #to scare predators away from their young My dad sneezed so violently once that he hit his head on his desk and almost knocked himself out.
bikewheelr: bikewheelr: people who change their phone’s font to that squiggly one are not to be trusted
smnius: “My Dad’s had a rough couple years, and… I know that it must not have been easy to raise me alone. He’s kind of a weird guy, but I love him a lot.” Thank you @dreamdaddygame for blessing us w/ trans dad representation!!
